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Me:"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fattest pig of all?"
Mirror: "You, Midnyte, are the fattest pig of all!"
SUUUEEEEEYYYYYY!
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I am a freakin' mess! I am gaining weight at an incredible pace and I'm scared. I've got to do something about it. I feel so out of control of everything in my life at the moment.What the hell am I going to do? I don't have a clue about anything anymore. I am clueless. I am so screwed! I know I need some type of plan to follow but at this point could I really stick to it? I don't know.
Off the subject, my neighbor just walked out of the house wearing shorts! It's frickin' COLD outside! I guess she must "show-off" her best asset until the bitter cold sets in for the winter.
I have nothing that I like about my body. *Sigh*
I need to find a community where I can be myself and feel comfortable. I did have that for a couple of years but for some reason "they" kicked me out. I've tried contacting the admins several times but no answer. They must think I am some kind of weirdo or something. Maybe I pissed someone off. I don't know what I did or what I said to make myself a TF outcast but that's what I am, an outcast among outcasts.I am:  nervous Soothing the buds with: just the shit that's in my head; wanna listen? |
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Summer has come and gone once again. I like the changing of the seasons because it helps to define time but I'd rather not deal with the cold weather. The leaves are changing quite quickly now and it won't be long until the snow flies.
I have not been doing so good mentally or physically. I've added a couple of pounds that I'am literally freaking out because I don't have a clue on how I am going to get them off. I feel quite disgusting at the moment. Very out of control and I don't like that feeling. Not at all.I am:  depressed Soothing the buds with: none |
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Over a month has gone by and nothing has changed except the color of the leaves on the trees. Why can't I let myself go and show who I really am? Even with the relative anonymity of the the web, I feel restricted. Fear of rejection, the need to belong to something greater and bigger than ourselves is much too strong to dismiss. I will write what I feel and let "it all out". What the hell. Later, MidnyteI am:  energetic |
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I sit here weekend after weekend doing nothing with myself. I don't have "friends" anymore. My kids are busy with their teen-aged lives. I am a nobody. Sure I am a wife and mother but where's me? The me I used to be? I got so wrapped up in everybody else's stuff that I lost me. I don't think I could find myself even if I had a search party. I am gone.
I seem to be holding steady in the weight category. (Not what I want.) I would like to see the numbers go much lower. I found that exercise does do something for my body. I stopped going to the gym because my membership ran out and I now find that I have my "roll" of blubber back on my mid-section. I need to find a simple regimen to get myself toned up again. I know I'll never get rid of the loose skin unless someone nominates me for "Extreme Makeover", but having toned abs under the loose skin did help tremendously.
I "cleansed" myself this morning. I ate too much food yesterday. Hell, not just yesterday but the whole previous week. I need to get serious again. I have two co-workers both of whom weigh approximately in the same range as myself. They are both losing weight. One is an insomniac on Paxil and the other has just ordered "Slimming Six" off of an infomercial. If they lose more than I can in the next 4 months, I am going to be so pissed. I can't let that happen. Most of my motivation to stay on track came from TF but since they have ousted me, (for what reason, I have no clue) I have not been able to keep focused. Now don't start blasting me. I had issues way before I joined TF in 2002. I just happen to find a group of people that think like me and have had similar experiences in life as I have had in the past. TF didn't make me this way. Genetics and environment made me this way.
Always, MidnyteI am:  frustrated Soothing the buds with: None |
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midnytemystique's journal